Last night, I was told I needed to give myself the space to Grieve.
I had to stop, suck breath through my teeth and turn aside; I don’t really know this woman, and she doesn’t really know me. But her word wouldn’t leave; it hung between us, scraping at my lips, burning with the bitter sting of salt.
The Space to Grieve.
I’ve never wanted to be the one who runs in the face of a timely word; I’d rather the increase of pride in the face of my strength, rather than the cost of reckoning.
“You need to meet your grief, to set aside deliberate time to meet with it. People often think of grief in negative terms, as something bad. But it is healthy, necessary even. Grief allows you the time to mourn a time in your life, recognize it as something significant, and acknowledge the sense of loss. People associate grief with tears and sorrow, neither of which are “bad”. And sometimes tears are involved, salt Is cleansing. But allowing yourself the Space, setting a time to meet with your Lord and open up those emotions, it’s necessary. But, could you tell me why you reacted to hearing “grief” like that?”
Three days ago I drove Chris up to Cochran, Georgia. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be that much of a deal. I’d seen Tia and Julie, spent days with both of them. We’d spoken of Haiti, of life there, of our friends, of our children. Surely, surely if I am able to move through those times without sadness, surely I will see the migration through without sorrow.
Only the lump in my throat said otherwise as we pulled into the driveway. Only the blood in my ears said otherwise when I was introduced to Isaac. Only the heaviness grew so thick that ten minutes later I had to leave, that putting my car in reverse broke the dam between myself and the torrents.
What is this, this Greene, this Western, this Human idea that strength is proven through stoicism? What is this concept that emotions betray only weakness?
Last night, Arthur Burt, a man who will boast a century on this fifth of May, spoke of emotion.
“God gave us emotions to tell the truth…”
This man who has seen every face of God revealed since 1912 believes that emotion is bestowed upon us, by God, in order to speak the truth.
The truth is I am unsure of what it is I must grieve. The journey towards truthful “feeling” and “emotion”, which I began on the back of a moto in the streets of Jubilee, this journey has been the most tiring walk of my life. And I have only begun. And I am still not quite certain what my journey towards living truth means.
But, between moments I still find unacknowledged emotion. Small spaces stored away for “late” that I don’t understand, so I find myself hurriedly breathe again in order to avoid these things which I only notice from the corner of my eye.
Arthur Burt’s wisdom was in two parts. “God gave us emotions to tell the truth,” he said. Yet he followed with, “but we allow emotions to dictate the truth.”
“God gave us emotions to tell the truth, but we allow emotions to dictate the truth.”
The truth is I must grieve. The change, the loss, the separation, the step into something new; whatever it is in my life, I must grieve.
- To allow the emotion to dictate the truth would be to settle into my grief; to wear my sorrow like a badge or a cape or a crown or a blanket.
- To allow the emotion to dictate the truth would be to skirt my grief; to ignore it, diminish it, to continuously put it off for another time, to call it another name and refuse to succumb to its existence.
The woman who told me to grieve reached out and touched my arm, humanity’s unconscious gesture towards connection. “Grief ushers us from one space in life to the next. Without it we can get stuck in the interim. You don’t always have to be strong.”
God gave us emotions to tell the truth, but we allow emotions to dictate the truth.
Ecclesiastes 3:4
a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to grieve and a time to dance.
